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2020-01-01T23:42:00.001+08:00

http://www.formspring.me/squashedflowers

2012-02-07T15:36:00.000+08:00

Three years ago, this would be what i would've posted.

Today, I'd say the opposite; I just wanna be by myself.

Came so close to saying it, then i kind of broke this promise i made to myself.. Now I'm not so sure of every little fucking thing, not even sure of my feelings. It's like everything's gone numb. I only feel 'OK' and 'Not so OK'.

I want.

So many things I wanna do in Europe. Not 'so many' actually, but dont know if I can achieve it all.

Road trip

2012-02-04T14:12:00.000+08:00

So i'm heading down to JB with my family later, in about 40 minutes' time! Some sort of a road trip....... Hahahahahha. Heading down with some aunts and uncles and cousins to visit my great-grandmother. It's the last weekend for CNY.

While we're there, we're gg to set off fireworks and firecrackers. The last time we did that was back in 2001/2002, when the entire extended family went together, with my grandfather too. That was the first and only time.

Since my grandfather passed, the family's been different. Initially, only my dad and uncles were heading down for a day. Then I said I wanted to go too, and it turned into some sort of family trip. My intention was to get all my cousins to join in, then my dad woke me up from my fantasy :(

Hopefully next year, we'll all go down tgt.

Timbre

2012-01-27T14:45:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the end of Sem 1!

*throws confetti all over*

Finally, we were done with the exams. I actually did 5 questions in 1.5 hours hahaha #haolian. Supposed to do 4 only. The last 30 min, I flicked through my answer booklet, wrote a few conclusions, drew diagrams of sol and gel dispersions, and rewrote an entire paragraph cos I didn't like how it was squeezed at the bottom of the page.

After the paper, 8 of us went to Timbre @ Old School. My first time there! Usually I go to the one at Substation. 53a was performing later in the night, but we didn't stay. We were the first customers there!

The eight of us :D Group shot before anyone got red! Actually only me.

Sex on the Beach and Erdinger. My virgin shots! Noob. Only Huihui, Wanni and I shared the shots. So diluted and blah.

Sunny-side-up and Duck pizza. Smoked salmon in the background! Favourite was the seafood pizza :D

Strawberry daiquiri! Mine! :D

Bulmer's apple cider. Bottle was pretty!

Pretty fun night! We played the secret number game and I was damn suay to kenna thrice. Had to eat one slice of pizza, finished my daiquiri, then took idk how much of the cider. If only my guessing skills are this awesome to spot questions for exams.

Headed home in a cab, and the damn air freshener was nauseating. My head was in between my knees the entire ride home. When i reached my block, I had to rest at the void deck for a while before gg upstairs. Broke out in cold sweat in the cab too, my skirt stuck to my ass :( i thought it was some weird reaction to the alcohol, but my brother said noone ever breaks out in cold sweat.

The last time I had alcohol was........ I can't rmb when, but it was at O'Leary's at the flyer. I had some cocktail, and was super red and head was spinning cos I downed it in 5 minutes hahaha.

Meeting a buyer for my shoes tmr! I need to sell more of my stuff... Thinking of setting up a blogshop to do it. Still considering.

Dragon

2012-01-26T10:32:00.001+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI!

It's the first CNY without Ahkong, and it felt really weird and different.

Reunion dinner with my dad, mum and brother. My brother and i cooked! But he cheated, he steamed the foods only! Actually my mum did the steaming, he did the marinating. And i rolled the cabbage rolls! I also cooked the charsiew-marinated chicken hahaha halal version.

Pen cai was from Edmund's dad :D

This is us on Chu Yi, at my grandma's place. All of us were in different shades of red!

My brother, and three of my cousins. We're not as close as i'd like us to be. They are awesome photographers! And it's amazing how alike they look.

I always do like weird faces and poses hahahaha.

Chu Yi was so so different from previous years. Last time, relatives would come and visit us, and the house would be so noisy and festive. This year, only the immediate relatives came over, and a lot of them stayed for awhile only. Last time, we'd all gather in a big circle and play ban luck. This year, it was just 4 cousins, my bro and I, and my uncle. Tiny circle.

Honestly I'm a little disappointed with how things turned out this year. Only a year since Ahkong passed, and the family is already disintegrating. Even on Chu Er, very few people went to my uncle's house.

OMG Funky Chef!!!!! *Hyperventilates, screams and runs around excitedly*
Retarded. I haven't fangirl-ed in a long time hahahahahhaa. And he looks like the fortune cat on his tshirt, which I sourced for him! Hahahahahaha.

3-2-2-2. Our age gaps from the person next to us.

Love my cousins. This isn't all of them. The six of us went for ice cream at Haagen Dazs, then Dance Dance Dragon at Downtown East, then to Feifei for supper, where we just sat and talked. Plan weddings and stuff HAHAHA so gay.

Green tea & hibiscus, caramel biscuit & cream, cappuccino truffle, strawberry cheesecake, rum & raisin, creme brulee.

Waffle with green tea & hibiscus, tiramisu, strawberry shortcake and creme brulee?

Brownie with macademia nut and caramel biscuit & cream.

We're lohei-ing on Sunday, with relatives from JB and singapore coming over. Yay! I love CNY, not just for the angbaos and wearing new clothes, but i love family gatherings and seeing all my relatives :D

Food Science paper later at 3. So so so screwed.

Tomorrow.

2012-01-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

cherrybam.tumblr

I'm scared of the future. Like not the distant future, but near future. I'm afraid of next Monday when I'll sit for my first exam in two years, for a module that I've been just scraping through. I'm afraid of the the subsequent days, of the next three papers. I don't know what I'm gg to do. The practice questions are scaring me, I don't know if I know enough.

I want to find that smart student that I was ten years ago.

I come home from school, telling myself that I must must must study. In the end, I find myself curled up somewhere soft, staring at my phone or laptop, with the notes all around. No discipline.

What I did yesterday.

2012-01-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

Been giving my brains a full workout everyday, with negative energy balance for it.

Took a break from studying yesterday and caught Kumar at Three Monkeys, it was so hilarious. Totally enjoyed myself and now I'm tempted to get tickets for the show in Feb! Hahahaha. Also, my virgin R21 movie experience - Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Rooney Mara is awesome. And she's so so skinny. I wanna make a trip to the library tmr to get the books but maybe it's better to do it after the 26th.

Super exhausted, I slept in the cab from Holland V to Geylang, and fell asleep almost instantly once on the bed. Then slept the entire journey home this morning, and missed yoga. Fifth week in a row wtf, so disappointed with myself. Belly dance this Wed, I better make an effort to go. Getting fatter.

CNY in two weeks' time. Already booked my appointments for hair and nails. Now I've find a date for threading. Clothes are mostly settled, left with underwear only hahaha anddddd I've got five pairs of new shoes HAHAHA two pairs hidden in my cupboard and one pair on its way to me! :D

Back to studying.

Into 2012

2012-01-04T01:07:00.000+08:00

Usually, the first minute of 2012 would be spent with my beloved 6-1 friends. This year, I slept through the first ten minutes of 2012 in Hong Kong. Fell asleep while watching the countdown on CNA hahaha wth. Was too tired after a whole day out exploring HK, trying to find stuff to buy!

2011 was filled with highs and lows. Travelled quite a lot this year as compared to previous years - trips to Batam, Bangkok, Taiwan and HK. I quit my job in July to take a two-month break before school started on 26 Sept.

Going back to school was a major event this year. Only a term in and I already felt super burnt-out, stressed & demotivated. I was seriously considering dropping out, totally regretting my choice and filled with self-doubt. Today, I'm still not sure that this is what I wanna spend the rest of my life doing.

Highlight of this year was turning 21. I celebrated it with my dearest family and friends. My favourite part was doing the scrapbook, finding photos of myself. I love flipping through my childhood photos, I believe I was happiest then. Growing up sucks.

Another highlight was my very first bellydance performance! Didn't perform up to my expectations, cos I was shaking so damn badly. The last time I actually danced in front of an audience was like at a super short cheerleading performance in 2007. And I picked up yoga this year as well, which made me miss my dance practices and I am so tempted to pick up ballet this year. It's actually been a childhood dream of mine to learn ballet.

So what's in store for 2012? For a start, I'm stressing myself out over a report due on 9 Jan, and exams start on 16 Jan. What a way to start the year.

This year, I'm thinking of :
- UK trip in July/Aug! With the class
- Another trip to Bangkok, if I've the time and money
- Another trip to HK

In 2012, I think I should :
- Save more, spend less. Especially on food
- Learn something new - pilates, ballet, whatever?
- Be less of a procrastinator. Study when I have to, and give it my full concentration.
- Bake and cook more
- Accomplish something huge

But will the world end before I accomplish all these?

Closer to you.

2011-12-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

So 2011 is coming to an end.

Am down with flu and fever, what a way to celebrate.

But on the plus side, I'm spending Christmas in Taiwan and New Year's Eve in HK! :D Can't wait to get on the plane. No texts and calls please, thank you. I wanna forget I have a life in Singapore, just for that one week.

2011 hasn't been good. In fact it's quite shitty. Although I did travel quite a lot more than the previous years, it doesn't quite compensate for the bad stuff.

Going back to school was a mistake. Spending all my money was a mistake. Now I'm poor and tired as hell, and still have to deal with nonsense coming from every part of my life.

Please let 2012 be fanfuckingtastic.

And I must start revising for exams tmr.

Regret

2011-12-12T16:08:00.001+08:00

Five years ago, I made the decision to go get a diploma instead of an A Level cert.

Five years later, I'm still wondering if I made the right choice.

My O Level grades were insane. I could have gone to a damn good JC, possibly gotten into a good uni course and have an amazing life. Don't know if that would've happened but it could have been that way.

Today? I'm stuck in an overseas university, studying something I'm kinda unsure of. My grades are worse than someone whose O level score is 4 times of mine.

Why did I choose to fuck up?

One Year

2011-12-04T11:15:00.001+08:00

Dear ah kong,

It's been one year since you passed. I dont remember every detail but that day was dark and it sucked.

I hope everything is good over there and that you're happily with ah ma now.

I celebrated my 21st like what you said I should do. Just wished that you were there too, cos you seemed more excited than I was about it last year hahaha.

Enjoy the food and money :D we love you and ah ma always.

Love,
Celesta

Dreamcatcher

2011-11-21T21:10:00.001+08:00

So stressed about my radioactive tutorial. The question isn't very clear and there like so many ways of interpreting it. I was done with it last night, but now I'm not too sure again. And I don't understand what everyone said just now.

Fuck this shit man. I'm so screwed. I wish the dreamcatcher would just catch my happy dreams for me and make them more possible to achieve.

Then again, what are those dreams?

Hello

2011-11-21T01:33:00.000+08:00

So I've just changed the blog template, and made it happier! Although it doesnt really reflect my mood, what with all the schoolwork piling up and deadlines getting closer to get me.

School's from 9am to 5pm tmr, with possible project meeting after. Super long day, and I havent decided what to wear hehehe.

Doing a weighed food diary from Sunday to Tuesday, so I prepared lunch tmr - lettuce and cheese sandwich. Hahaha I didn't know I used only 2g of butter! Awesome, keep it as low as possible :D

I've been doing lots of online shopping since school started! I should have stopped ever since coming back from Bangkok, but I haven't. There's just too much out there to miss hehehe. And, I blame it on SCHOOL STRESS. Argh. One month of school only and I'm already breaking. This is shit.

Okay, off to bed.

X

October

2011-11-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

So we've reached November.

October was cool. School work started pouring in & I really struggled with trying to get my head around Stats. Celebrated a few birthdays, including mine :D

okay i'm off to probably do work? I don't know yet. School is killing me.

2011-09-08T11:24:00.000+08:00

I'm creating Math worksheets for my P1 tutee. Such a nuisance but I kind of like decorating it hahahaha.

I'm gg to Bangkok tmr till Monday. Exciting, I plan to shop till I drop! I've been abstaining from online shopping in order to save up for Bangkok hahahaha. The only thing I'm worried about is coming back fatter than when I left. Damn. I should probably go to the gym on Tuesday.

I've yet to blog about Batam. Soon, maybe when I get home. I'm at Starbucks having an awesome skinny vanilla latte with chocolate and cinnamon powder and an apple raisin wholemeal muffin :D

Yoga

2011-09-02T10:29:00.001+08:00

I've been enjoying yoga ever since I took it up in Feb. I don't feel like it makes me feel peaceful or calm or stuff like that, but somehow it's really fun to try new poses and just stretch the hell out of my body!

But as much as I love yoga, I wish I had the self-discipline to practice everyday or at least during the week. I've got an amazing Nike yoga mat (hot pink and turquoise!) which is totally under-utilized. I want to be like one of those people who get up at the crack of dawn to practice yoga. I've got half the battle won; I get up at the crack of dawn on some days. Unfortunately, it's to prepare breakfast for my mum and brother and read the papers. Like some auntie.

I used to not be able to do Bridge. It was so embarrassing, my head won't leave the ground! It was until I joined cheerleading in TP that I kept practicing and finally succeeded. The other day during class, I had difficulty lifting my head from the ground. Fuck.

I need to be able to do a wheel pose like this. This is awesome.

And I need to master the crane pose like this. Right now, only one foot dares to leave the ground.

2011-08-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

[x]

Forty

2011-08-16T00:40:00.001+08:00

Edmund and I turn 40 months old today! That's a really long time for us. I've seen him in his super-short-it's-ugly hair, super hot brown hair, botak to now, pretty decent length. And he's seen me through my fat-and-ugly days to now, thinner-but-not-so-pretty. Hahahaha.

The photo was taken like in July! His hair is longer, my hair is shorter. The contrast between our skin colours is not as drastic too.

Love him. Should I get mooncakes for his parents? They've been so nice to me :D

Friend for life

2011-08-16T00:28:00.001+08:00

This is my best friend from primary school! I went for the SIT Welcome Ceremony on Sunday and she was part of the dance club that performed. Super awesome routine! She's been dancing since shes was young, starting from ballet I think. I remember asking her to do a split in the canteen hahahahaha.

We used to look alike, some teachers and the guys from other classes couldn't tell us apart.

This was us back in 2003, when we were Sec One. We've changed so much!

Morning

2011-08-05T11:07:00.001+08:00

Hello I'm at Starbucks at eastpoint enjoying the company of myself and a magazine and vanilla latte. My favourite baristas are working today too! I've been jobless and super happy this past week! Hahaha.

Yay StarHub just sent a message. Free channels till 13 August! Life is good :D

Edmund booked out on wed afternoon and we shared a chili cheese burger and I had green tea latte (Starbucks again! They should make me their ambassador or something hahahha.) for supper. And I stayed over at his place and slept for three hours, waking up every hour. I gave up trying to sleep at 4plus am and played games on his iPad till his parents woke up and I went back to sleep. My bioclock is so weird.

And like today I woke up at 730am to prepare breakfast for my family. I did scrambled egg whites and sauteed onions, then stuffed them into wholemeal pitas with cheese, tomato and cucumber slices. The pita was damn lousy, from NTUC. Its so thin and like totally fell apart when I cut them open and stuffed the ingredients in. Made me a little upset cos I wanted to prepare a pretty breakfast. The scramble was pretty good though!

I think I wanna do pancakes for them someday too :D

Sat is gonna be excitinggg we're gg cycling in the morning, Horrible Bosses in the afternoon and then maybe dinner or something, then to Edmund's place to play ps3/wii! Until he has to leave for camp knn NS is such a mood buster :( haha I like simple plans like these. And then on national day we're probably gg tanning yay yay yay I desperately need a tan!

Eat.

2011-07-14T21:22:00.006+08:00

So on Saturday, the five of us met for dinner at

in Holland V! Tgt with Edmund and Dicky.

This is the only photo of all our faces. It's blur cos the uncle doesnt know how to take photos.

It was Dicky's first time eating xlb and he liked it :D

After that Michelle, Dicky, Edmund and I went to get almond tau huay and chilled at some park in Kallang. Then it was to Pave for awesome hot Venezuelan dark chocolate.

So you use the wooden stick and like spin it in the silver jug to froth up and thicken the hot chocolate. And the cups are small but honestly, drinking a grande-sized hot chocolate of this quality would just make me puke.

This blog is in serious need of an image overhaul.

Fat

2011-07-08T22:19:00.003+08:00

Oh and yesterday, i finally opened up to Edmund about some inner feelings about my own self-esteem. I've never been one to really love myself or even be confident about the way I look and stuff. Those who go out with me or are super close to me will probably know I will shower like two hours before it's time to leave the house just so I can raid my entire wardrobe for something that looks perfect. And once I'm out the door I feel I look like crap. Idk why i get this feeling, like I cant be confident about the way I look. I HAVE to mms Edmund photos of my outfit before leaving the house, cos I dont wanna look like shit.

So i opened up to him about why I'm so conscious about my weight and how i look. Mostly about my weight issues. I've been fat, and called fat. I told him all about it, how it hurt me although i didn show it cos idk why. Being in Dance kind of made it worse cos all the other dancers were so skinny. I think it affected my performance and how i didnt dare to really dance. Whatever it's over.

Now ppl think i'm too skinny. But I'll never be 'too skinny' to me, honestly i dont even know how a flat stomach should look like. Apparently my mum thinks mine is flat but i dont think so. Idk lah, i've never had a flat stomach before idk how to gauge can.

Okay bye.

2011-07-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

Hi.

This blog is dead but i'm not.

I just havent got the inspiration to blog anything. And i think my blog is fucking ugly so dread coming here.

This is my last month of work, last month of getting salary.

Okay bye. Will update with something more interesting next time.

XLB tmr with Michelle, Dicky, Sihui, Kaiwen and Edmund! :D

Shit still happens now and then.

And i'm still struggling.

In 2010, I...

2011-01-01T22:25:00.002+08:00

- became Jeremy's guinea pig for his first hair competition, resulting in an alien helmet haircut with purple-greyish fringe.

- got my driving license!

- graduated from TP.

- celebrated 2 years and counting with Edmund <3

- had my first CPF contribution.

- got my first stable job.

- saw my first 4-figure bank balance :D

- ended friendships and got a new insight at the different kinds of people out there.

- started Supperclub with 6-1 :D

- lost two family members.

- acquired 6 new pairs of footwear :D

- am on the brink of recovery.

- embraced Hello Kitty again hahahahha.

- job-hopped four times!

- spent NYE with Edmund for the first time hahaha, and pangsehed my 6-1 tradition. Still love 6-1 though!

Have a good 2011!

2010-12-05T15:22:00.002+08:00

Grandfather is getting from bad to worse. He's shrinking and shrivelling so fast, it's not funny. All he injests is like two teaspoons of condensed milk? I don't understand why the dietitians at CGH didn't put him on tube feeding. His diet was like totally non-existent, his SGA score is like 6 or 7 alr, severely malnourished. Wtf is this, we didn't send him there to just lie on your fucking bed. His intake was extremely poor. Check his meal tray, totally untouched. And still no referral to dietitian or anything? What were you trying to imply, just tell us to be prepared for the worst? No hope alr, no point for any dietary intervention? Fuck you.

He was discharged on Thursday night. Visited him at my aunt's house yesterday. I fucking hated it. I hated the way he looked, how he couldn't speak or do anything. All he could do was make noises to convey his thoughts. All along, whenever he fell sick or got injured or anything, I was worried about him but I always knew it was nothing that bad. Yesterday I cried, for the first time I cried for my grandfather. I looked at the photo taken during my cousin's wedding last June, and I looked at the frail old man on the bed, and I broke down.

My dad and uncles went to Malacca last night to pray to the ancestors. My relatives are claiming they're dreaming of my grandmother and she's telling them she's coming to get my grandfather. I've never been the closest to my grandfather, I've had bad times with him. But in the end, he's still my grandfather, the one who watched me grow from a fishball to who I am now. Almost everytime I visit him, he mistakes me for someone else, or someone else for me, at the first glance. The second time I call him, he'll recognise me. Maybe in his eyes, I'm still that fat little girl with the straight black hair and bangs. In his eyes, I'm probably still the 6-year-old he picked up from kindergarten everyday.

My mum, brother and dad are at my aunt's place now. I went to town to shop, and then I came home after two hours cos I didn't feel like wandering about town. I'm quite reluctant to go over to my aunt's house. I don't want to see my grandfather like this.

2010-12-04T00:21:00.003+08:00

Two weeks ago, when I went to dye and cut my hair, Jeremy asked me about my 'friend'. My instinctive reply was "Huh? What friend?" Hahahaha he got a shock and totally stopped cutting and asked me what happened. Even though I have to translate my thoughts into Chinese, it's really good to just spill everything out to him. No judgements, just concern and advice. So true when they say your hairstylist will eventually become your confidante. I can speak in broken Chinese and he still understands :D

I miss Edmund. He can't book out this week cos he has some test. And he's got confinement cos he didn't clean his rifle properly wtf. Dunno when his confinement is though, hopefully not Christmas. We should be picnic-ing and kite-flying yay so exciting :D

Had dinner with Amanda and Cherissa on Tue at Wild Honey! We ordered Spinach Salad with pumpkins and pine nuts in honey mustard dressing, and eggs ben with parma ham! I had grapefruit juice too, freshly squeezed! Refreshingly bitter :D Hahaha. Food was awesome. Amanda and I ordered while waiting for Cherissa, and ate more than half of the salad before she finally came. Two eggs atop two slices of brioche only for the eggs ben, so Amanda and I had it. Cherissa was full from lunch anyway!

It was maxi day, but we didn't take full-length photos (which would probably have turned out better!) cos Amanda didn't wanna appear short. Cherissa and I had to bend in the photo! I was in wedges and Cherissa is naturally tall. Amanda was in Havis!

It was Bad-Photos Day, btw. And my bob looks like shit, not even like a bob, in the photo! Knn.

Brunch on Sunday with Michelle! TWG! Yay!

Christmas stress

2010-11-18T23:49:00.004+08:00

Walao eh I don't know what to get for Edmund for Christmas. He already has everything :( How how how! I talked to my manager about this and she suggested a shaver... But so weird! I don't know lah.

And I need to find time to shop for him. Weekends are spent with him, weekdays I only the night and I'm so lazy to go to town most of the time.

Yay TGIF I'm so damn happy. Finally meeting Edmund again on Sat and yay happy dates :D What should we do/where should we gooooo town is so boring and I dont know where else to go!

I know what I can buy for him! But if I do, it's like 3/4 of my monthly pay is gone. Damn.

595

2010-11-15T01:40:00.003+08:00

Haven't blogged in 1000 years, noone comes to this space anymore but who cares.

Dyed my hair blue-black yesterday :D It's the best colour on me, I wish it was natural.

I'm trying to convert to vegetarianism but it's damn difficult because Edmund is a carnivore. He cannot NOT have meat in his meals. So I can only be vegetarian/fruitarian on weekdays when he's in camp. Hahahaha. Since I eat like a pig on weekends cos the NSF craves a lot of food on weekends, mostly deep fried/oily/unhealthy, I have to save calories on weekdays! I know the body doesn't work like this but it's how I manage this insane diet. And I call myself a nutritionist/dietitian-wannabe.

I haven't had home-cooked meals since, September? I dont know. Damn long ago. Like an actual meal with dishes. Coming home for dinner tmr, my mum and I decided to boil old cucumber soup, with corn and pork ribs! Actually I don't want the ribs :( And the soup is just gg to go into the slow cooker for 12 hours.

I haven't cooked or baked in a damn long time, more than 3 months I think. Boiling soup is not counted as cooking hahaha. Thinking of the amount of eggs and butter puts me off baking. I keep telling myself I'll bake this chocolate basil olive oil cake one day, but the 'one day' has yet to come. I'm so lazy to wash up and assemble the ingredients and batter and all also!

I don't know what happened to me. I never used to be like this. I hope I get my shit together, get moving and start doing things i like again. I want to start getting busy in the kitchen again, but I'm not really sure what's stopping me actually. I got my mum to buy a waffler three weeks ago but I haven't used it. Don't ask why.

Don't like who/what I'm becoming.

2010-09-18T14:49:00.002+08:00

The first weekend without Edmund.....

I have work to accompany me. Misery.

I've been buying quite a lot of shit. Just ordered a 6-colour hello kitty pen for $2.60 hahaha wtf lah. Probably gg to proceed on to ordering $45 clogs!

2010-08-25T01:25:00.002+08:00

It's the last week of August. Soon, it's gg to be Dec and then 2011 will arrive.

Time flies past! Edmund's gg into army in like three weeks' time :(

I am leaving in less than six months' time.

Work at One Amber just ended like last Friday, so it's down to just one job! Everyday I can't wait till it reaches 10.45pm, then I start to wash up my bar stuff and prepare to go home. Work at the airport is like really boring. Plus the camera faces me, so I have to appear active all the time, damn tiring!

I'm drinking Starbucks Dark Chocolate Mocha frappuccino right now! Damn good yum yum :D

I need to like stop eating 50000 times a day! Gonna grow fat like cow.

I think I'm addicted to yakult? I need to drink it at least once a day. Now I even eat cereal with it, and I mix juice into the yakult hahahaha it's good!

I don't update my blog anymore. Nothing new or exciting really happens, and when anything does happen I think I forget about it?

Yay I love coffee! So tempted to run to 7-11 downstairs to buy three more bottles!

2010-07-24T08:51:00.001+08:00

FML I spent $49.50 on clothes only to give the wrong unit number. Ccb I hope there's no such unit so they will return the package to the sender. Or I hope I can find the unit and ask them to return my package! Omg why am I so stupid :(:(:(

2010-07-07T00:38:00.004+08:00

2010-07-05T20:46:00.003+08:00

I think I'm blogging like once a month only!

Been kind of busy and tired this week. Just started working at One Amber as handover staff. Easy job, maybe it's the working hours. Havent really adapted to office hours yet, usually I'm slacking and stuff from 9am to 5.30pm hahaha. And I'm working with my cousin's gf and Si Hui, best :D Everyday eat at Katong or Parkway, tons of good food there!

I miss gg for regular hair treatments :(

Watched Eclipse yesterday, was so much better than Full Moon or something like that. The second movie lah I forgot the title hahaha. Robert Pattinson looks either constipated or gg to cry like 100% fo the movie, don't get why he has to look like that all the time.

After Eclipse was dinnertime! Baby and I had Wendy's. Chili was good :D I had fish burger and he had 3/4 pound beef burger and we had baked potato with chili and cheese also. Damn filling! Headed down to RWS to walk around. Victoria's Secret is so disappointing, damn tiny and kind of lousy selection :( Took so long to find it! Hershey's was so shiok, he had king-sized Cookies and Cream and I had Reese's Peanut Butter Cup :D Was super tempted to get the pillow and soft toys!

I know my blog entry is so boring and mundane.

I slept late last night cos I was fretting over which top to buy!

7-eleven is finally open opp my block! I kind of wanna work there at night to earn extra money to support my lifestyle, but I dont know if I can cope :/

2010-06-19T01:01:00.002+08:00

My last post was like one month ago. So much has happened since. I don't know why i don't blog as often anymore. I can't find the words, it's like whatever's happened has happened, there's nothing much to talk about.

Shit I'm having double vision on the X key. Only that key.

Hello I went to the bank with my mum today to find out more about the study loan. Interest rate is damn low, 5.88% p.a. Can't use the study loan to pay for accomodation though :( Went to Tampines Mall for grocery shopping. Tried on shoes at Pazzion although just got a new pair from there like on Monday, and went window-shopping at Faceshop but didn't get anything cos mum didnt bring her membership card. Spent $100+ at Hockhua on Lingzhi pills, mulberry vinegar, green and red beans, honeycomb and white fungus drink. Got stuff from NTUC, forgot to buy coffee :( Went to grandma's place and had dinner there, mee sua with pig intestines. Vit A toxicity. Brought home ba zhang yay. I want to learn to make ba zhang from her. Walked home and watched tv.

Watching Toy Story 3 tmr :D

Maybe i should go to town earlier tmr to shop. I want to shop but i need to save money..

Hungry like crazy now, feeling nauseous but stomach's not grumbling. So hungry or not, i dunno :(

2010-05-18T02:49:00.002+08:00

So like, I blog once a month now? Havent had anything really interesting to blog about.

Have been sleeping like really little these days. Sleep after 2 and wake up before 10. I slept only 4 hours on Fri night/Sat morning after working for 10 hours. Dont know why my body clock has become like this.

New phone! Exchanged N97mini with my mum for her iPhone. I wanted to get iPod touch but she said I might as well use her phone. So so happy that I have lots of entertainment on-the-go now :D Bought the pink button casing, now I feel like getting purple and yellow too.

Watched Robin Hood on Sunday with Edmund, was our 25th month tgt :D I like Robin Hood cartoons better. Had Hanabi for dinner which kind of sucked........ Standard of food like dropped so much. Starbucks after that, played Monopoly Deal which Edmund got totally thrashed hahahahaha yay.

IDP tmr then to FEP to do nails. Part of me can't wait to fly and leave and start life over in Australia. But part of me can't leave all this behind. Dont know lah. Got at least half a year left anyway.

Met Cherissa last Wed, I waited 30min for her! We wanted to tan but the sun looked weak, so we went to town instead. Took polaroids! Turned out amazing :D

Okay im tired of blogging alr. Good night.

2010-03-29T14:25:00.002+08:00

At work now! I've worked so many hours this month = money! :D Really need it this month to support my expensive lifestyle, especially for April.

Bought baby's present on Sat with my mum. Wasn't cheap, and i really really really hope he likes it!

Some couple just walked into the shop. I am so thankful my boyfriend doesnt wear soccer jerseys when he goes out with me.

I feel like gg to 7-11 again to get water and something to snack on. Been snacking so much, yesterday I ate like half the whole box of grapes, and drank two bowls of veg soup. Until now haven't shit yet :(

Mummy's been in a good mood these days, been buying me mostly whatever I want :D Hahahaha. She even encouraged me to get the more expensive present! Dont know why like that, but I'm not complaining. She didn't even give me that kind of look when my online purchases arrived, like she usually used to. I hope my F21 package arrives this week!

Last fri I met my mum at Parkway instead of waiting for her to come meet me in town or meeting in Tampines. I told her, "Meet at Parkway lah, there got nothing to shop one. Better." In the end, we went home with two pairs of Cotton On shorts, batik-print pants, coin purse, Hollywood tape and groceries. So much for not shopping.

My hair is getting weirdly out of shape. I wonder if I'll feel weird when the bob grows back. Like suddenly a lot of hair again. I've been getting used to not having half my face hidden behind hair. I am so troublesome lah. Short hair also complain, bob also complain.

Met Grace, Ching Hong and Eldora on Wed in Chinatown for chicken rice and ice cream! Couldn't find the chicken rice place at first, and we thought it closed down cos it's been 3 1/2 years since we last went there! Found it after a big round around Chinatown. Still as cheap as ever. Swensons for ice cream after that, and then Macs for Hong's 'hot and chili' fries. Hahahahaa. And Grace, Eldora and I amused ourselves by spam-tweeting whatever Hong said cos whatever she says just turns out twisted and funny. And she couldn't fight back cos she couldn connect to wifi and kept complaining about it hahahaha. Good fun, extremely good to hang out with them again. And we're gg to Cedar for hor fun soon! Eh, what if the stall isn't there anymore?

Yay popiah for dinner later! And yesterday's veg soup. Hahaha. Planned dinner already cos my mum messaged me. Edmund is sick and staying over in school :(

2010-03-17T18:53:00.002+08:00

Since opening at 11.50am, I've only sold one tanktop. Heeren is so empty, and people only go to the big shops here.

Drinking lemon mint tea since 4.30pm. Cold like dunno what now. Usually I drink honey caramel ginger tea latte, but I'm having stomach problems today so no milk :( Lunch was papaya, watermelon and ham sandwich. Dinner was some falafel wrap. What is falafel.

I'm gg to spend tmr doing productive things. Cancelled the interview tmr cos I decided not to take the job anymore. I think I will go for hair treatment tmr. Havent been doing since the week before cny! Super long.

I hope my dress will be posted tmr morning or tonight, then I'll receive it on Sat morning or Fri.

I think I should stop shopping for the rest of the month. I will not walk around FEP after treatment tmr, if not confirm will spend money again.

Why is nobody walking in to buy? :(

This Japanese woman diaoed me just now, cos I asked her to spell the name of the place she was looking for. Sounded like 'Heeren' but sounded like something else also. I couldnt hear what. In the end she showed me the map and pointed out to me. Turned out to be 'Heeren'.

Cannot wait to go out with baby! :D

2010-03-16T09:36:00.002+08:00

Day off from work today! Finally, was getting tired. Might be doing threading later in the afternoon, yay :D

Today is our 23rd month tgt! One more month and it'll be two years. I woke up to a long and super sweet message from baby and I couldnt go back to sleep. We're not spending today tgt, cos he has his competition stuff, but we're gg out on Sat :D:D

I bought myself a dress this morning, at 8.15am. And I can't decide if I should get another cos I keep thinking about it. If i get both, it's $48. And I'm supposed to be saving money this month cos next month is like the month I go bankrupt! :(

I dont know how.

2010-02-25T23:41:00.004+08:00

Have to be at Heeren in 12 hours' time.

I wonder if we get to keep our tp email address.

Never felt more alone than now. More time for me to figure out what I want, or do more productive things instead of shopping all the time. Maybe I should get a second job, earn more money.

Everytime I buy something online, I will check my letterbox everyday, or try to stay home as much as possible to wait for the postman. Missed two parcels in Feb, had to collect from the post office, so troublesome.

I removed my purplish-blue nail polish and painted dark blue and pasted ugly gay flowers on them. Super unprofessionally done and cheap, but I'm lazy to remove now. And the flowers are really damn gay, dont know what I was thinking when I bought them. Must buy nicer ones. And I need to stock up on nail polish, bring variety into the colour palette. When my next pay cheque comes I guess. When my next pay cheque comes, I am so gg to buy the wedges, if they cant be found in Thailand. I think I need a treat.

I spent US$88.30 on F21 this afternoon. Haha die, but I'm happy and cant wait for the items to arrive! I feel like I should just get the wedges now.

February is ending in like three days' time? Time flies like fighter plane.

Met Amanda on Tue and we went shopping at City Plaza. Big fat disappointing day. Didnt buy a single thing except apple juice and medicine which I only ate twice. Wth. And felt really sick that day, worst train ride ever. Couldn shop properly cos I was freezing, and the place usually isnt even that cold. Felt colder than at Heeren.

Stupid tanktops I bought on Sunday havent arrived :( Almost one week already!

I read the papers today, apparently being happy lowers your risk of some disease. Heart disease I think. Must flood myself with happy thoughts and happy people from now on!

My table is in need of sorting and de-cluttering. It's insane, looks worse than pre-exams.

Oh I sprayed Tiger Balm insect repellant all over me cos I've been attacked by mosquitoes the past few nights. Brother killed two today, and I saw one flying around just now but I couldn kill it. My mum was complaining about the smell of the insect repellant, saying "No wonder mosquitoes dont like it. Even humans dont like." I had yu sheng for dinner today, bad yu sheng. Hard and dry, had to add more plum sauce. And the salmon just tasted weird.

Dont know what to wear tmr :(

2010-02-23T13:12:00.002+08:00

ND was over yesterday, so we've unofficially graduated.

Most important lesson I've learnt from these 3 years:

Never get emotionally-attached to anyone, they're gg to fuck you over in some way.

The person I was closest to actually blocked me on Twitter. That's saying something. The 3 years, I've been cleaning up after people and getting involved in other people's problems until it becomes my problem too. Stupid.

Most significant thing I've done in the 3 years was to get tgt with Edmund, who's been nothing but amazing <3.

Anyway, school's out. Thanks for everything, good or bad.

#500

2010-02-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

This is my 500th entry!

Today, I went to school for a 40-minute talk on Halal Awareness, which I paid attention to. I wonder why I pay attention to such talks instead of more important lectures like ND, which I tend to sleep at least half of it away.

After the talk, it was a mad squeezy time for the MP poster. Squeeze and squeeze and squeeze. Simi sai. Got it done and sent for editing. Now I just have to decide if I should work on Monday.

Bought bubble tea and cabbed home, then left house an hour later to get to Raffles City for threading, shopping and dinner. In that order. Shopped quite a lot, but not for me! Mum bought clothes for Brother, and pink shades for me! Hahahahaha waste money. Think I'm getting from bad to worse, I cant not buy anything. And I owe my brother money but if I pay him back I'll be like seriously broke. I dunno where my money flew to. Kns.

School has been, slow? I dont know. Last week of school is like in two days' time. I feel kind of sad and anxious, especially since I've applied for unis. Can't believe the courses I applied to, and now my mum doesnt want me to do dietetics anymore. Wtf. Then howwwwwww. As if I'll really get accepted into Medicine, and I dont know if I really wanna be a doctor. I dont know the real reason for applying, I just felt like this urge or push to apply for it. Was deliberating between dentistry or medicine, and I just went with Medicine. Even if the NTU/NIE thing falls through, I think I might take that up instead of Medicine. Which is like totally wtf. Like who in their right mind would decline medicine!

Oh man I am so confused.

2010-01-29T13:31:00.004+08:00

Submitted MP report and logfile yesterday. Felt so light and happy after that, I actually jumped off the stairs. In school. In front of a lot of people.

But there's still the poster.

And PDM!

We're gg to graduate...........

After submission, Michelle, Sihui and I cabbed to Tampines Swimming Complex to have Nihon Mura :D The food is damn good! We ate like a lot and resorted to playing games to finish the food. Hahahha. After that it was home sweet home.

I feel like the holidays start tmr. Shit.

Work is so boring today. No blank CDs for me to burn :( And I havent sold a single thing. And I'm wearing sheer stockings which is like as good as not wearing stockings. Stupid.

It's too early for the shoulders/neck aches to start! How to get through today :(

Maybe I should read the bible.

Hair

2010-01-24T12:54:00.003+08:00

I've been asked many times if I regret cutting my hair. My answer is always a big fat "YES".

I dont understand what made me do it, or why I let myself be convinced it would work for me. The day Jeremy asked me, I was just sitting in the salon waiting for him to be done with some other person's hair and come over to trim it. Then he asked what was the hairstyle I wanted the other time. Actually that day, I was already over the short hair. I just wanted to trim my bob back into shape. I should have just said no.

The days leading to the first time I was gg to get my hair bleached, I had this really really uncomfortable feeling. I wanted to back out so badly then, but it would have been like declaring war against him and I would never be able to go back there to cut my hair again.

It's been two weeks since I've had this hair. Lots of people say it's nice, it suits me, makes me look taller and all that. But I don't like it. Everyday I stand in front of the mirror. Worst part is that I cant go without makeup anymore, I look like a boy. Even my mum said so, and she even added that I'm flat which makes it worse.

It's stupid being like 19 and still having bad hair.

And I miss wearing my hairbands.

I can't wait for the hair to grow back and for the ugly purple fringe to be back to black. Never gg to do anything stupid to my hair again.

Selfishness

2010-01-24T00:08:00.003+08:00

I am selfish. I dont like to share.

So what?

Why should I share what's rightfully mine, like my personal space and time and people/items that I love?

"So you can spread the joy" and blah blah blah. People who justify sharing with that kind of crap should go and die. Like seriously.

I like being left alone with all the freedom to do my own thing. I hate it most when people intrude into my personal space and interrogate me and disrupt what I'm doing. I hate it when people try to take my things. Like hello? Cant you get your own? Especially hate it when they do it without asking me!

Every night, I'm forced out of my room. Cos I wanna talk on the phone but I cant do so in the privacy of my own room cos the damn computer is there and my brother is busy playing shit games and talking to stupid girls. And if I'm done talking before he's done with the computer, I have to sleep in his room till he's done. And then, he'll scold me for making the bed hot. As if I dont wanna sleep on my own bed.

Ever since last year, my dad has been talking about renovating my room and making it like really my own room and shifting my brother's things out. Including the computer. Until now, it hasn't happened. The other day we were talking about it, and he was like "Give me five years." I told him don't bother, I'll be out of the house by then already.

Sucks to be here, where there's tension and idiocy all around. Just that whenever people are over, they act like things are okay. I come from a family of actors.

And now, my brother is back and wanting to use the computer. Good luck to me trying to do my own thing now while having to endure his stupid clubbing and girl drama.

The amazing week.

2010-01-18T00:13:00.002+08:00

Monday:

Thursday:

Saturday:

Our relationship turned 21 months <3

2010-01-12T22:47:00.002+08:00

Hair competition was yesterday! No more subjecting my hair to chemical overdose... Unless it's from the intensive treatment it's going to have to go through now.

Big changes to the hair within a week. First it was bleached whitish-blonde on Thursday, then the blonde part was dyed ashy-icy-purple on Sunday. Monday was the final change - cut like almost half of my hair off.

Heartache when I saw the longer locks fall to the cape and floor ):

I only got to see my hair through the photos at first. Then about an hour later I went to the toilet, and I don't know how I felt about it. I didn't get to see the back until this morning. And now it feels like I tied my hair up.

My brother burst out laughing when he saw me last night. Damn.

Anyway Jeremy got second, which is damn good cos at least my sacrifice didn't go to waste :D

Honestly I prefer my bob, as everyone can tell, but I just have to stick with this for now. Although almost everyone likes this. But I kind of feel it doesnt suit me, cos I'm not as cool as this hairstyle is. I'm still the same person who does stupid things like drop the straw into the bottle and have trouble pulling it out. I would imagine someone with this hairstyle to be cooler and smarter than that.

When we came out of the seminar room, people started taking photos of us. Like strangers coming up to us and asking to take photos. Hahaha so funny, as if I'm like some exhibit or famous person.

Makeup was good, suit the hair :D Except I kept eating the lipstick and it made my lips damn dry and ugly.

Okay this post is like so disorganized and all. Whatever I'm lazy to arrange. I think I have work to do but I can't remember what. Actually can. Should be doing CSAS. But lazieeeeee.

2010-01-08T15:46:00.002+08:00

It's like, I need to talk to someone about all the feelings and thoughts in my head. But it isnt easy for me to put those into words. Yet when I finally think I'm ready to talk about it, there doesnt seem to be anyone around.

I know I'm temperamental and my moods can be quite unpredictable. Difficult to deal with it. But guess what, it isnt all in my head, the external environment and people do actually contribute to my mood.

You know what? Maybe when all this is over and done with, I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. I don't know yet. You've been a good friend, been there for me when there was nobody, but that's not all there is to being friends. Sometimes, I cant help but think it was all a mistake. And yet sometimes, I kind of miss the way we used to be.

Anyway, the competition is on Monday. Bleached my hair yesterday for 5 hours, and it's snow white now. It looks lesser this morning than last night, I'm like damn scared there'll be very little hair left on Sunday when I dye the actual colours. But it's all so exciting! And scary, I seriously hope I can pull the look off. If not... I think I might cry everytime I look in the mirror. Seriously.

I tried my stage outfit yesterday. I have no comments about it. I don't know. Doesn't seem that nice to me, maybe it's the spiderweb leggings. I think my legs look too fair and fat to pull off the leggings. Plus the boots... My legs look like tree trunks in snow. Other than that, the dress is super super short, I wouldn't even call it a dress. It like just covers where it needs to cover? And when I sit down, totally exposed! Troublesome. It's made of mesh, with underwires to hold the shape.

I'm at work now and all I've sold since 12pm is a cap. Sian. I hope more customers come and spend later.

2010-01-01T18:41:00.003+08:00

Happy 2010!

2009 was so shitty, even my sandals fell apart on 31 Dec 2009.

Countdown to 2010 was with primary school friends again, for the fourth year running! I think. Anyway, had dinner at Manpuku with Vivienne, Jingfeng, Jiafeng, Limin, Ruilin, Suzanne and Huilin. Didn't have much appetite to eat, but if I didnt eat I would probably have died at the countdown.

After dinner, we headed down to airport to slack cos we had damn a lot of time. It was like 8plus only? Then trained down to Raffles Place, then we found a spot outside the usual Esplanade Bridge to set up camp! It was windy, not squeezy and safe! :D Sat and played games for so long, Vivienne sucks at them. Then we played the story game also, which was like fun and for some reason my theories/questions were always weird even though they kinda made sense to me!

Fireworks was 8min long, as usual, and was prettier than last year's :D

After the fireworks, we continued standing there cos we wanted to finish the story. Hahaha. By the time we finished, there were a lot of people walking to the MR T station already, and like it got quite squeezy and gross. And by the time we finished, I got freaked out by like every little movement. Like someone walked behind me or whistled behind me and I jumped. And when Vivienne screamed I screamed too not knowing what happened. Stupid.

Simpang for supper. Sour plum juice! :D My favourite drink now woohoo. Had chicken wings and prata as well. Wind was so strong, the curry and prata turned cold within minutes. Didnt even finish my prata.

Went to the playground where we wanted to drink mango vodka and play games. I left right when Ruilin arrived and right before the games/drinking began to find and take care of my drunk boyfriend. I am such a nice girlfriend hahaha.

Brought Smelly Edmund to my house to sleep. So funny the way he ran to my door the moment he got out of the cab, and went right to my room the moment he entered my house. I was still locking up when I heard my bed creak. Didnt even wanna shower!

Fell asleep only at about 7am, and woke up at 11plus.

I'm spending New Year's Day watching Skins, cooking curry and lusting over heels online. If only I had more money ):

2010 better be good! :D

2009-12-20T13:18:00.004+08:00

I need to clear my table, it looks like a karung guni man's house. But I have like no patience and things like that........ ): Maybe if my parents promise a renovation then I'll clear :D

Eldora stayed over on Friday night, she finished like almost a whole bottle of Baileys! Then she got horny and weird and funny and amusing hahahahaha. Was great catching up with her, we havent met since like August?!

Watched Avatar last night, and I slept like half the movie away. But it was good, for the parts that I saw. But it's too long. But good for yesterday, cos my feet were hurting. New heels, which spoilt! The bottom thing dropped off at Taka, I heard a piak sound hahahaha.

Roamed town from about 3, supposed to cut hair but didnt. Jeremy still hasnt given me his number, and I still havent decided. What if I look like shit ): Must diet and make my face skinny. Bought jeans for Edmund and then when he came, we went to exchange it for another pair. I was deciding between dark or light grey, in the end I bought dark but he wanted light.

Wanted to go to F21 at 313, it's like four storeys! But we were hungry. Wanted to eat at the Italian restaurant but queue was damn long. Ate at Waraku instead, and after that we went to Ion and then my feet hurt too much to walk back to 313. So we slacked at Orange Julius till 10pm, downloading games hahaha.

Mango sticky rice for breakfast! :D I think I eat too much. Even when I'm not hungry, I get the urge to eat. Like now. I just had a big glass of barley with wintermelon but I'm craving for maggi and luncheon meat. Oh and I was supposed to bake today but I dont have the ingredients I want. Another day.

I'm like surfing beauty blogs now and am damn tempted to order damn a lot of stuff online. Like body lotions and lipglosses and blushers. Luckily I have limited amount of money.

Audits tmr morning. Sian.

2009-12-10T21:16:00.002+08:00

After graduation, hopefully I've earned and saved enough to move out.

I've had enough of the sarcasm, enough of the arguments and tension, enough of being ordered around by some 'guy' who shares the same parents as me.

Can't stand the limited space I have, can't stand the lack of privacy.

The best thing is, after all the sarcasm and screaming matches and threats, he can still talk and act as if nothing happened. Fuck off. I have better things to do, like plan my escape.

2009-12-06T23:52:00.003+08:00

Why can't I be as disciplined as Sihui to stay home all day and just study?!

Edmund's shopping spree on Saturday, he spent like $160plus on three items. I just realised they're all of the same shade! Haahaha. Shopped and then rushed for dinner at PastaMania then off to watch Couples' Retreat after that, was good and funny! But we both fell asleep during the movie and woke up at funny parts. Whats with us falling asleep during movies recently!

Term tests start tmr. CSAS tmr, I hope I can phrase the sentences with the right tone.

2009-11-29T17:12:00.003+08:00

Sihui, Pamela and I completed the ND Diabetes report in 3 hours? Best. Hahaha. I think we've never rushed a report out in such a short time before. Damn tedious, we had to keep re-calculating cos we kept missing out some parts. And I actually liquid-papered one table 25 times. Pamela counted. She's obsessed with laughing at the shit I do.

Fish&Co for dinner and for the first time, I finished my food before Edmund! Cos he had two huge swordfish hahaha he was like struggling to even finish the first piece. Calamari came like damn late, the manager just apologised and was like "Give me two minutes, it will be coming." Walao we thought he was gg to tell us it's on the house. Hahahaha.

Watched New Moon! I think Twilight was better. I fell asleep during the movie, I don't know if it's cos it was boring or I was tired. But all the dialogue was damn boring, I only like the scenes where there's more than 2 people.

Been overspending.......... ): On food and clothes. Bought a bag from Miss Selfridge yesterday :D Wanted to get the shorts but can't decide. I wanted to go back to F21 to get a cardigan before the movie started but Edmund was too lazy to go back with me. He's gg to get it for me on Monday.

Have to rush video editing and PDM logbook by Monday night! And Sihui and Pamela are gg to come at 2pm on Wed to cook, then I have driving at 6.30pm!

Going to be another hectic week.

2009-11-27T17:54:00.002+08:00

Intensive MP week! Been doing so much to prepare for work progress interview on Thursday. In the end, it got postponed to next Tuesday.

Went to NUH on Wed for a meeting. Cabbed back after that, and we were in the cab for one hour! Cos of the jam and slow traffic. Felt super nauseous when I got out.

Lots to prepare for MP. I think we achieved a lot this week!

I have until Monday to finish editing the video and ppt! Shit like so little time!

PDM interview is next Tuesday as well and I am damn scared. I'm like so worried I dont know how to answer the questions. I hope she doesnt ask super technical stuff.

I think I'm like damn distracted these days that I make so many mistakes. On Monday I charged a person for 6 tshirts when he only bought 5. In the end he had to get another tee. And I totally didnt see the M-sized tees at half price so I told someone don't have already. In the end he bought a full priced one. Good, but wrong label! During driving I've been forgetting to keep left and check blind spots and this and that. Just now I charged a woman $6.90 for her earrings when it was supposed to be $12, cos we were actually talking about the $6.90 earrings that I forgot she chose the $12 one in the end. Luckily she came back and I got back the difference hahaha.

At least I'm not as bad as Sihui, forgot to add sugar into her cinnamon&nutmeg mix! HAHAHA.

2009-11-09T20:05:00.002+08:00

I think I've studied too much and have become too science-y.

Good Girl Gone Bad is playing and I cant get the image of spoilt milk out of my head. That kind of 'gone bad'. Food Science version.

Wth is wrong with me ):

2009-11-02T18:25:00.002+08:00

I'm at work now! Just burned a CD of songs I like to play at the shop ^^

Went to Sihui's house just now, and second time in a row, I went to the wrong block. I keep thinking she stays at 106. I was waiting at the corridor and called her but she didn't pick up. Then she called and asked "Are you at the wrong block?" Then I was like oh shit I'm at 106 again.

I think I'm getting clumsier, more careless, more stupid. How ):

Edmund is coming tonight before I close :D

Okay I'm gg to do PDM and MP now bye.

2009-11-02T14:48:00.002+08:00

MP meeting with Sihui nowwwwwwwwwww.

Compiled minutes.
Recommendation: Take minutes EVERY SINGLE MEETING.

And we forgot when we had meetings so we're searching blog entries and email inboxes for info haha how retarded can we get.

2009-10-29T22:26:00.004+08:00

Crazy shopping day! Spent close to $300 on clothes, perfume, food and cab. And the prettiest ring :D

Sihui and I wanted to get from Ion to Wisma. We were lazy so we walked through the MRT barriers. She told me they won't deduct any amount. When I entered, I had $4.69 in my card. When I tapped out, I had $4.01. She said hers didn't deduct. Walao eh why like that.

I tripped and almost rolled down the stairs at New Look. Omg why am I so embarrassing.

She was wallet-hunting and when she finally saw the perfect wallet, she didn't get it. She could afford it, but she heart pain. Last piece somemore.

I said I wanted to buy stockings, then she asked "Will you wear out?" I replied her "Then wear at home to sleep ah." Hahahaha she said she wanted to faint after that.

We went from Ion to Wisma to Taka to FEP to Heeren. Ate quite a lot!

I need to stop spending money. But shit I'm gg out again tmr. And I'm so tempted to ship in Lip Smackers.

2009-10-24T23:48:00.002+08:00

I wish my parents would buy a new oven soon, I miss baking ):

They threw away the microwave oven cos it like exploded inside I think. And left the old conventional oven there but noone uses it cos the door cant even be closed HAHA. I only use it to toast bread. The last time I baked using that, my cookies turned out totally black, had to scrape off the black parts if not confirm get cancer.

Life has been eventful.

Edna left for Maldives yesterday, and we didn't even send her off. Got wrong info from Viv's friend that the flight was delayed. I dont know why we didn't call Edna earlier. Went to eat Popeyes, then later I called again and she told us she was on the plane already. Wtf we suck man.

Watched Julie and Julia after the airport thing. Or is it Julia and Julie I dont know. Funny but was a bit too draggy.

NUH with Sihui and Michelle in the morning. We actually brought the drip stand, Suplena, feed pump and feeding tube and bag home. Props for the video hahaha. After NUH, Michelle and I went to Cine to slack and walk around. I spent $23 on bangles/bracelets haha wtf as if I got a lot of money.

Today was pretty uneventful, except the piercing started bleeding and I left work halfway to go to town to get it checked out. Nothing wrong, except maybe I moved too much hahaha.

2009-10-20T01:42:00.001+08:00

It's like 1999 all over again.

Vanilla Twilight

2009-10-20T01:03:00.002+08:00

Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly

2009-10-19T12:29:00.002+08:00

I'm in school waiting for Michelle and Sihui to come then we can do MP. MP is stupid.

Meat buffet on Sat for dinner to celebrate cousin's birthday, then went to play pool. Met Pinrui and Ruilin after that at Simpang cos Ruilin was bored and pissed hahaha super funny. Met them again plus Edna on Sunday for lunch cos Edna is leavinggggggg ): She's gg to Maldives for SIP! Damn lucky. She was supposed to go to Disneyland but they cancelled.

I keep getting this question thrown at me these days - "What do you look for in a guy?"

Both physical and character attributes. I keep telling them I don't know cos I never thought about it. But today on the way to school, I found one quality or something like that. Hahahahaha. I know damn random.

Fuckkkkkk my headache from last night is still here ))))):

In your eyes I'd like to stay

2009-10-17T05:22:00.003+08:00

What did you mean?

I dont know how I feel right now.

i'm broken inside. i'm dying from the inside out.

and i tell myself i am fine and i am surrounded by great people. and i am. but i see your face and i die a little more inside every time. i miss you.

2009-10-16T01:09:00.001+08:00

Amazing end to a long day, great beginning for the next.

2009-10-15T03:18:00.002+08:00

Why the fuck do I always choose to be with leeches.

Why the fuck do I bother trying to maintain or improve the friendship.

Fuck you two seriously.

2009-10-15T02:16:00.000+08:00

I miss life as a Cedarian. I miss cheerleading too.

2009-10-15T01:43:00.000+08:00

Shut the fuck up when I dont say anything, stop trying to fish info out of me it's fucking annoying.

2009-10-15T01:39:00.000+08:00

So pretty, I miss them.

2009-10-13T04:27:00.002+08:00

Supper every night. Getting fat.

Meeting Eldora and Calsia at Chompchomp later tonighttttt :D

GOOD MORNING haha I have to be at work by 10am!

2009-10-11T23:58:00.001+08:00

Realised I cant really count on the people around me, cos I havent been around for them.

2009-10-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

Fuck lah food is draining my money awayyyyyyyyyyyy why do I eat so much ):

2009-10-11T23:30:00.001+08:00

If I had one wish, we would be best friends
Love would never end, it would just begin
If I had one wish, you would be my boo
Promise to love you, trust me I'll trust you

2009-10-08T03:00:00.002+08:00

"I dont get it, why you must tell him.."

Fuck you I tell whoever I want to tell and it's not your business, so dont bother trying to 'get it'.

At least he listened, unlike someone else who just brushed it off and told me to shut up about it.

2009-10-07T23:55:00.003+08:00

Birthday was uneventful, nothing much. Family gathering on Sat, then off for movie and supper. Sunday was spent having lunch with parents, office to slack awhile, Bugis to wait for cousin and gf and shopping, then Kenny Rogers for dinner.

Left for Kukup on Monday. Relaxing and eventful, damn fun. Made new friends, including a guy called Edmund. Played with fireworks and it was damn pretty! Felt better than National Day fireworks hahaha. Spammed seafood into the body like nobody's business. Seafood for lunch, teatime, dinner and supper. Cholesterol levels probably shoot sky high already.

Training, then gambled and talked and went to explore outside. Knn so cloudy couldnt see any stars even though it was damn dark there ):

Met Michelle and Sihui for MP today. French toast, peanut butter and condensed milk thick toast, fish dumplings and milk tea for lunch, then to NLB to get pictures but was super super super unfruitful, got nothing ): Then we went for yoghurt then Bugis Village for shopping. Did manicure and smudged it within 30min, when I wanted to try on clothes. Went back to touch up and we continued walking around, before Michelle left to meet Josh and Sihui and I went for dinner. Crispy pancake, Taiwan sausage, bubble milk tea ice cream which tasted like shit, pork floss thick toast and laksa. Shiok to the max hahahha. Talked and then we left to our different places.

Need to shop againnnnnn. My mum scolded me for wasting money on manicures almost every week. ):

Oh and guess what Miss Ng Si Hui Jaslyn, I wanna go back and get a new manicure soon HAHAHA my manager say the colour too emo haha wtf.

You said move on, where do I go?

2009-10-05T02:13:00.002+08:00

Nothing seems to be 'enough' anymore.

Spending $100 in a day makes me feel guilty, but it's not enough. I still need to spend more, for some reason.

Retail therapy is losing its effectiveness.

And for some reason I'm not having enough food. As in I eat as if I'm pregnant. Wtf.

2009-10-04T05:57:00.001+08:00

Same date last year, extremely different mood.

2009-10-04T05:03:00.001+08:00

I think I am gg to extract my tooth by myself.

Just ate like 16 squares of Cadbury? Shit. Doesnt help to make me happier, probably need to shop.

2009-10-04T03:54:00.002+08:00

2009-10-04T03:13:00.002+08:00

All the time I wasted on you
All the bullshit you put me through
I'm checking into rehab 'cause everything that we had
Didn't mean a thing to you

2009-10-04T02:01:00.000+08:00

Eldora said our 19th birthdays are cursed. 2009 is the worst year I've had. This birthday is the worst I've had.

2009-10-04T01:59:00.004+08:00

My birthday wish was for us to be fine and happy tgt again.

As good as wishing for world peace.

2009-10-02T00:20:00.001+08:00

if he ignores you despite your countless attempts to reach out to him

that type of desired 40th anniversary would not come

take someone who would cherish you 40 years down the road

not someone that ignores you even for 40 missed calls

Keep Forgetting (To Forget About You)

2009-10-01T02:21:00.000+08:00

Cause I remember every word that you said

It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you

2009-10-01T00:38:00.003+08:00

Felt tremors today and I didn't even realise they were tremors. Just felt the whole room spinning and thought it was just another one of the giddy spells. Wonder how many tremors I've actually felt.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NG SI HUI :D

2009-09-29T01:43:00.001+08:00

Just spammed myself with grapes, mooncake and condensed milk.

Been eating so much these days, it scares me. Might see Celesta boom into twice her size when school reopens.

2009-09-29T00:07:00.001+08:00

Stab me in the heart or shoot me or poison me, either way is fine with me.

2009-09-28T23:31:00.002+08:00

So fucking screwed.

Serves me right for thinking I'm damn strong. Good job Celesta. Figure out how to clean up your mess.

Right As Rain

2009-09-27T12:18:00.001+08:00

Who wants to be right as rain
It's better when something is wrong
You get excitement in your bones
And everything you do's a game
When night comes and your all on your own
You can say I chose to be alone
Who want to be right as rain
It's harder when your on top

Cause when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired there aint no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned
So wipe that dirty smile off
We won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of love

Who wants to be riding high
when you'll just crumble back on down
You give up everything you are
And even then you don't get far
They make believe that everything
Is exactly what it seems
But at least when your at your worst
You know how to feel things

See when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired there aint no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned
So wipe that dirty smile off
We won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of love

Go ahead and steal my heart
To make me cry again
Cause it will never hurt
as much as it did then
When we were both right
And no one had blame
But now I give up
On this endless game

Cause who wants to be right as rain
It's better when something is wrong
i get excitement in your bones
Even thought everything's a strain
When night comes and I'm all on my own
You should know I chose to be alone
So who want to be right as rain
It's harder when your on top

Cause when hard work don't pay off
And I'm tired there aint no room in my bed
As far as I'm concerned
So wipe that dirty smile off
We won't be making up
I've cried my heart out
And now I've had enough of love

Completely misread, I'm better off dead.

2009-09-26T22:32:00.003+08:00

Being an emotional eater makes me fat.

Dont like having emotions.

What I ate today:

2 slices of white bread, a lot of egg mayo, 1 slice of cheese, one big bowl of dory don and dory had breadcrumbs and was deep fried, huge cup of milk tea, one plate of chicken rice, some duck, one bowl of beancurd skin with sugar water, one tbsp steamed egg, 5 pineapple tarts, more than 10 apricots, 1/4 snow skin mooncake, 2 baby doughnuts, 2 kueh bulu.

A lot right. ):

Got the biggest insult from my mum ever this morning.

2009-09-26T01:35:00.001+08:00

Been feeling really hungry at night and having funny cravings. Like McSpicy and mashed potato and xiao long bao and durian.

Can't wait for the night to be over.

2009-09-26T00:58:00.001+08:00

I so feel like slapping you to your senses, to prioritize.

2009-09-24T00:09:00.001+08:00

I know it's wrong and all, but I have this urge to do everything I'm not supposed to do.

Super super strong urge.

Must keep myself super busy.

2009-09-22T23:21:00.002+08:00

My mealtimes are extremely screwed up, 8 hours in between lunch and dinner, wtf. Can lose weight but hungry to the max, so I don't know whether to be happy or not.

Stars are falling off my nails thanks to carrying heavy cartons and using my nails to pry open the door ):

Half the time I don't really know what to blog. I feel quite stupid typing how I feel cos it's always the same. Until I don't know if my headache is imaginary or real. I think I have migraine, fuck. Feels like there's a clamp around my head all the time.

2009-09-22T00:14:00.002+08:00

I dont know I spend so much for what. As if I would die without the stuff. Stupid.

2009-09-21T23:25:00.003+08:00

I spent $134.90 today fuckkkkkkk. Sihui worse, $140. Cos she cut hair $3 more and her studs were $4 more and I dunno what else. But I had brought more stuff home actually. I feel so happy keying in my PIN number and just forget about my balance.

Life is too short to think too much. If you want something, just go get it.

Is the Edmund on the tagboard really you?

2009-09-21T12:06:00.002+08:00

Need to change passwords.

Need to stop shopping and spending so much on impulse buys, although being impulsive makes me happy cos I dont have to think.

Cutting hair later. Can't decide if I should dye. Weather is damn hot, I would be damn insecure if I can't wash hair ): Dunno whether to cut damn short or not either, cos new hairband is cominggggg. $20 for a hairband haha see what this stupid impulsive shopping is doing to me. Spent like about $80plus in one week, and it's only on decorations. Sihui said I'm like a Christmas tree. Eldora, remember Mrs Foong, our mobile Christmas tree? Haha fuck I'm turning into her.

Maybe I'll do manicure later too. I feel like getting nails done properly. And I need to shop for presents too. Maybe I should buy more presents for myself too.

I am doing MP powerpoint now, before we actually start on the discussion. Hahaha.

2009-09-19T00:21:00.003+08:00

I hate being blamed for everything, even when I did the right thing or I have the right reason for doing it.

I am my top priority right now. Must learn to support myself to make myself happy.

2009-09-18T01:11:00.003+08:00

"Earning money is not your priority now."

Then where I get my extra money from, you always say youre struggling.

I hate it that the closer people are, the less faith they have in me. They think I'm incompetent and not good enough. Okay I get it I'm not good enough for anyone and anything okay.

2009-09-18T00:55:00.003+08:00

fuck love. like seriously.

guess how much youve hurt me. i bet you know how much.

i hope you had your fun avoiding me, not replying, not picking up, pretending i dont exist. you just confirmed what ive always suspected all along, that im not good enough for you.

thanks for everything anyway. at least i was happy then. i hope you were too.

2009-09-16T22:19:00.002+08:00

One of those days where things just dont go your way. Maybe how you feel indirectly affects the way your day turns out. Maybe when you feel negative, sad, disappointed or upset, the forces just turn against you as well and makes your day even shittier.

2009-09-15T22:29:00.001+08:00

The Sixteenth. Mean anything to you still?